LITTLE ANGELS PLAYGROUP AND NURSERY Every parent knows the story. You tell your toddler to stop playing with her seat belt
in the car, and when you look in the rearview mirror two minutes later, she has undone.
the belt again. Or you say to your five-year-old, "Time for supper," and 10 minutes later,
he is still working on his construction set.
How can you get your child, whatever her age, to listen? The first step is to ensure that
there is good two way communication in your family. Giving your child attention is the
best strategy for getting hers.
Dr. Sandra Bums, child and family psychologist at the Children's Hospital of Eastern
Ontario in Ottawa, says that parents must learn to listen attentively to their child, pick up
her unspoken cues to her feelings, then help her label them. "If a kid acts disgruntled
when you ask her to do something, it may be because she is uncomfortable or unhappy -
perhaps she had poor marks or a fight with her friend at school," Dr. Burns says. "With
many children, especially below the age 8, you need to give them the words for their
feelings by asking " Are you feeling sort of sad? Are you a bit frustrated? ".
Parents who have good communication with their child are often active listeners.
Instead of immediately responding to a child's statements with advice, a lecture, .
questions of pity, try to tune in to her feelings. This is the "language of empathy",
according to Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish of the Family Life Institute of Long Island
University in New York. In their book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and How to
Listen So Kids Will Talk {Avon), Faber and Mazlish suggest that parents encourage a
child to talk by simple prompting, such as "Oh" or "I see" or "Mmm".
It's also important to make time for talk. Dr. Burns says that the best periods for
private chats vary from child to child; many are most ready to volunteer information
when they get home after school during meals or at bed time. Ensure that each day, your
child has atleast 10 minutes in one stretch for a talk with you and that you finish what you
started discussing. "If you are always in a rush, your kids will pick up on that and learn
not to ask for time because they know they won't get it", Dr. Burns says.
Once communication is established you have hope of getting your child's attention.
Here are some tips that may help:
Ensure that instructions are followed within a reasonable period. "Never say anything
more than three times", Dr. Burns advises. "If the child. hasn't tidied his room or
cleaned his teeth by then, physically move him through the actions. This shows him
that it is going to happen anyway, and it doesn't become a power struggle because
you are not yet too angry or aggressive".
